“I need to be touched, I need to find an unselfish lover. A lover with an open mind. I deserve to find a pleasure that surpasses my imagination” – Excerpt from “Pleasure” by Eric Jerome Dickey
Oooooh…..mmmmm….yessssss…. pleasure can be so delicious, amazing and sometimes elusive. Everyone perceives pleasure in different ways and the way you receive and give pleasure varies from partner to partner. So I’ve got something for ya… Take notes!
Sexual attraction starts in the mind, so it’s imperative to create an atmosphere of honesty, openness and vulnerability first and foremost. Communicating about your desires, needs and fantasies are an important step to bridging the pleasure gap that sometimes can exist between partners. I know it can be nerve wrecking to bring up some topics that may make us uncomfortable, but it can be helpful to write it down initially. Writing your lover a letter or love note, sending an explicit text message or email, can open the flood gates of communication.
Compliments go a looong way. It has been said that you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, and I really try to live by that mantra in all my relationships. Let your partner know that they are attractive to you, that they turn you on and get your juices flowing. I believe that each of us are looking for some level of affirmation from the ones closest to us. I mean… I know I look good, but it’s always nice to hear it from my partner.
Establish non-sexual ways to increase intimacy such as eye contact and gazing, hand holding, words of affirmation or acts of service within the relationship. At times it could be a look that your lover gives you and that lets you know what they are thinking about doing to you… so many words can be transmitted without making a sound.
Foreplay. Foreplay. Foreplay. It’s so good, I had to say it twice and once for those in the back… It is has been scientifically proven that women need at least 20 mins of foreplay to be wet and ready for penetrative sex, so what’s the rush? My advise is to go slow and take your time. Go slow and then go slower than that… The anticipation is everything baby… Kiss, lick, suck, blow, stroke, and caress everywhere and savour each moment. Really feel the sensations of your lovers fingertips as they graze your back and then as they grip your ass, exhale and concentrate on each breath as they become more shallow and slowly deepen. Don’t rush the good stuff, because it only gets better from here…
Becoming an intuitive lover takes patience, understanding, imagination and awareness. Give and receive grace and patience with your lover, learn your partners’ body and understand what they like and dislike. Alternatively allow your partner the space to learn and discover your body and what it likes and dislikes. It can be helpful to think outside the box when envisioning scenarios and fantasies where your partner and yourself would be together. Enlisting erotica, romantic movies and porn to help provide the vocabulary to further express your desires. Most importantly, be present, be in the moment and allow all the good feels to wash over, in, and through you.